If you’re like me, quarantine hasn’t exactly been the most productive time. Yes, I started my own blog during this time, and have kept on a pretty good schedule if I do say so myself. Life itself has taken a bit of a backseat in the last couple months. At first, I had online classes that I had to keep up with. But now, I am done with classes and at the point where I should be looking for a job, but I can’t force myself very far into that process. Working a customer service job in these times kinda scares me. My mental health has started to take a bit of a backseat, as I can feel myself turning to the endless black hole that is social media more and more to try and escape the reality that we’re currently living in. Even with getting more into exercise, I can almost feel myself putting on pounds. I’ve felt paralyzed, stuck in a pointless routine of playstation, pushups, and hot chocolate.
While there are quite a few artists like me that haven’t been able make anything, there are artists that have decided to take advantage of the situation and stay busy. Artists such as Kali Uchis, Little Simz, and Smino have made projects during the quarantine to try and stay busy and help themselves stay sane. All these projects released by them haven’t been intended to be taken as a studio album; they’re placeholders to give the fans something to listen to and an update on how they’re doing. Charli XCX has taken this to the next level with her new album, how i’m feeling now.
Charli chose to announce this album in early April, a little over a month before the self imposed release date of May 15th. Instead of the hold over projects artists have been dropping, she decided to make a full studio album entirely in quarantine. Not only did she decide to make an entire album in just over a month, she chose to get the fans involved as well. She would do zoom sessions with her fans to give updates on the progress of the project, as well as discuss lyric ideas and sometimes, even lines the fans would suggest. She would share lyrics on twitter and do polls to decide what her single covers would be. The stems for her singles were also released, so her fans could make quality remixes of the song. Her goal was to keep the entire creation process as open as she could, and she definitely succeeded in that aspect.
This album shows her pushing further into the experimental pop sound that she was going in with her 2019 album, Charli. She brings in some returning producers, including the PC Music label creator A.G. Cook. Dylan Brady, half of the duo 100 gecs, also makes multiple appearances on here after working on her previous album. Charli does work with quite a few new producers as well; including Dijon, BJ Burton, and Palmistry. While she has all these different producers on here, it still manages to be an extremely cohesive listen. No song sounds out of place.
The main theme of the album is about Charli’s relationship with her boyfriend. She talked in interviews after the fact that her and her boyfriend were not in good graces going into quarantine, mainly due to the fact that they were away from each other constantly. Fortunately, this experience has allowed them to come together and rekindle their relationship, and that comes through in the majority of these songs. The lead single, Forever, is about how she’ll love him forever, “I will always love you, I’ll love you forever. Even when we’re not together, I will always love you.” Claws is another example of this, as the song is about how she likes everything about her boyfriend, as evident by the repetitive, but earwormy chorus, “I like, I like, I like, I like, I like everything about you.”
Even when she changes the subject matter, the quarantine theme is still present. The song anthems, is a banger about partying with friends and wanting that anthem song. But instead of the song being about going out and doing those things, it’s about the feeling of wanting to do those things. She does these with bluntly honest lyrics like, “These days exhausting, go online shopping. I’m so uninspired, I just wanna breathe. Flowers and the trees, dirt on my knees.” It’s something that might not age as well when we go back out to actually do these things instead of longing for them, but this is a representation of our times.
This album is a time capsule of life right now. It’s whole purpose is to give us a representation of how the quarantine is affecting her. But as with most art that is made this personally, the listener can hopefully find themselves in these songs. Even though the majority of songs here are about being in a relationship during this quarantine, listeners can find other topics to relate to. The aforementioned anthems is something that is easily relatable to anyone that likes to go out with friends. Enemy talks about the age old phrase, keep your friends close and your enemies closer. She then ponders about how if she accidentally let her boyfriend get too close, and what if he was actually her enemy instead of her boyfriend. While we may not be in that exact situation, the anxiety just radiates off this song, and is another feeling that her and many of us are stuck in right now.
Sonically, this album is extremely futuristic and electronic. The producers bring these otherworldly instrumentals for Charli to sing over. The first track, pink diamond, is a hard hitting banger where the instrumental takes prominence over Charli’s voice. The song changes countless times throughout the only two minute runtime. The changes are instant, there’s no lead up or way to expect what’s going to happen. It’s heavily reminiscent of a PC Music associated member, Sophie. Sophie’s produced for Charli before and even made a full project together called Vroom Vroom. She’s also worked with Madonna, Vince Staples, Flume, and many more. The album’s closer, visions, is another obvious example of the production. The song is self described by Charli as a “big lucid dream.” The second half of the song is even weirder, with it devolving into this hypnotic soundscape that sounds like a mixture between a rave in the year 2070 and someone randomly pressing buttons on their keyboard as they make laser noises. It ends the album on a highlight, leaving the listener stunned.
Even the vocals are futuristic and experimental. There’s not one point on this album where there’s a single, unprocessed Charli lead vocal. There are moments where her voice is processed similar to 100 gecs, where her voice is extremely pitched up and filled with autotune. C2.0 is the biggest example of this phenomenon, which is a remix of the song Click from her last album. She flips the narrative of it being a braggadocious track that it was on her previous album, to a song about missing her friend group. Her clique, if you would. Even the ballad on the album, party 4 u, features Charli singing mainly with use of autotune and the prismizer vocal effect made famous by Francis and the Lights and Bon Iver.
Charli came through with one of the best pop albums in 2020 with this album. Even without everyone’s personal bias, it’s hard to say that this isn’t the most accurate representation of music made in quarantine so far. She not only has made music that all delves into topics that we are all experiencing right now, but including fans in the process is something that not many artists at her level have ever done before. The forward thinking production brings her up to the level of her contemporaries like 100 gecs and Sophie, who have each been called the future of pop music by many critics.
Even though she’s achieved many accomplishments with this project, she still feels unfulfilled. She released a note to her fans on May 20th, 5 days after her album had come out, stating that she’s in a fragile state. Making the album had caused her to push her mental health to the side as she forced herself to finish this album in time. To the point where she says, “it seems I am unable to cope with even the most miniscule tasks without crumbling into panic or tears.” It’s something that I’m sure most of us can relate to right now, at least to some capacity. And it’s ok, this is the most monumental task that anyone alive has had to face. We’re fighting this invisible enemy that moves silently and quickly. This has the potential to kill millions and millions of people worldwide if we don’t eradicate the virus correctly. Even years away when we have a widely produced vaccine, everything will most likely not be the exact same. With all this in mind, just know that it’s ok to have a break day. As Charli also said in the same statement, “I’ve done all of the above, when really all I needed to do was forgive myself and take a day to be calm and breathe and relax: that’s what I’m doing today.”
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